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I hate the times when the pain comes for no reason, nothing to trigger it, just overwhelming pain. I don’t know why it happens, I don’t know what brings it on, I sit there and cry over nothing. The feeling of weakness is aweful, I hate feeling weak, I hate other people seeing that weakness, I want to be alone, to cry, to let it out, but it doesn’t go away, when I keep it bottled up it kills me, I have to tell someone, but who do I tell? Who can I let see my weakness? I don’t know what to do, and it kills me.

So I mentioned earlier that I had lost my wallet, so I had to go to the DMV today to get a new license. I got there around 11:15 and walked in and walked to the back of the room to get in line, as I walked I noticed that there were two lines; one on either wall. So I get to the back of the room and lean against the wall and someone says: “Are you looking for the end of the line?” I said yes I was and he said: “it is way up there the line loops around.” so I moved to the back of the line and waited FOREVER. I finaly get into the room and realize that since I don’t have my wallet, I don’t have the $8 I need to get a new license. So I called dad ato see if he was close, he wasn’t so he said to call Chris. I did and he was at lunch on the other side of town but he said that he would come so I wouldn’t have to get back in line and wait another hour. Then Hooper calls and says that his mom works just around corner and she would give me the eight bucks I needed. So I finnaly get through and get my license and get out and realize that it is one o’clock. I had been there for 2 hours. When I got back to my car I realized that I had forgotten the broom and shovel I needed to sweep out the house I was supposed to sweep, so I had to go home and get them and now I have to wait for the vet to look at one of the horses so that I can take my little sister and brothers shopping. and that has been my day so far.

I have noticed that people have a tendency to say that a boy and a girl “like each other” or “have a strong affection for each other” but shy away from the word Love. Why is that? “That which we call a rose, By any other word would smell as sweet.” (William Shakespeare; Romeo and Juliet) You can call it whatever you want, I call it love. My sister today said, “You can feel a strong affection for someone and not be in love with them” then she named two people we both know and who are considered a couple and said “they have a strong affection for each other and they are not in love.” I disagreed, it seems people have this unspoken idea that you are not “in-love” until you get married. Why not call it what it is? Why do people not want to call it love? Is it a fear that it will hurt more if you break up after you start calling it love? (Which I don’t understand but that is another story) Why is there an aversion from the word love?

Today was my first weekday of summer and if all of my summer days are like it I will die, I got up aroun 8:30 took a shower and started to look for my things, Keys check, Cell Phone check, Wallet ??? uh oh,

Well yesterday we went and started taping for the LOST ilustrated sermon Kenny is doing for the Relentless^JH on June 21 Ryan was there helping with camera, and Ken was helping with kid control. We didn’t get as much footage as we wanted so we are going to have to do another shoot.

I am doing a personal Bible study on the beatitudes and I came to the very first one and it says:

Rebecca, Mrs. Julie and I just finished watching Wimbledon, It was an ok movie although I mainly watched it because I was on a caffiene high and did not want to go to bed. I haven’t had much interest in movies lately, they just aren’t that interesting. There are other things I would rather do with my time.

Well I am sitting here at the Mother Daughter Sister Friend Banquet running the Tech Booth. It is very…….interesting? Strange? Wierd? I don’t know maybe it is because I am not a girl but this seems kind of cheesy. Right now there is a skit going about “Finding your Identity in Christ” and not wearing jewlery and stuff to try to be someone alse. I have a feeling that this is going to be really boring. ohh well

Wel next week is the last week of school. another 180 days wasted in the fruitless search for knowledge. In other words I learned absoulutely nothing…… at all. so that is kind of depressing, this summer should be interesting, I am going to Youth Camp, Kids Camp, Fine Arts, and am going to work as much as I can…… so it should be a busy summer…..

Well I am looking for a new theme for my site. I don’t like the fact that Paul Morgan has a theme very similar to mine. I want it to be original to a degree I am going to try to make my own eventually….. but that might be a while. So for now I am going to try something else.